Heartbreak & Healing

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I’d first like to apologize for my hiatus. I took a brief break to practice some self care and to prioritize some things. But I’m back!

To begin, I’d like to state that the past few months were filled with heartbreak, grief, and frustration. I don’t have the tips or the advice on how to stop feeling these things. I’ve yet to stop feeling these things. Truthfully, I don’t want to stop feeling these things. If my heart tightens every time I think of my ex, so be it. That’s just a reminder of all of the love we once shared. If some days, I replay conversations and experiences that I’ve shared with a few friends who’ve recently passed away and I want to cry, I’m okay with that. That’s just a testament of how greatly they’ve impacted my life. If I’m really angry and frustrated and conflicted regarding a fight with my best friend, I’ll be alright. That just means that I love her enough to still fight with her and for her.

That’s not to say that optimism is easy or that positivity erases it all.

I’ve been practicing self-care. I’ve been a little selfish. And that’s all okay. It’s more than okay. I’ve acknowledged all of my goals and my dreams and my aspirations and I’ve taken the time out to carefully establish the best way to achieve them all.

I’ve reevaluated what I want out of relationships, both platonic and romantic. And I’ve highlighted the desires that I refuse to compromise on.

I’ve taken well-needed naps, so if my home isn’t the neatest, I’m well-rested both mentally and physically.
I’ve prayed… and not in the dignified way that I’ve been taught to. I have had screaming fights with God in my car, on my way to work. There was yelling, there was begging, there was crying, and then there was clarity.

I’ve turned down invitations from friends to spend evenings out with them. I’ve been a little anti-social and that’s okay. I’ve begun to enjoy myself as myself. I’ve enjoyed “me time”.

I stopped saying “yes” to everything. I stopped being a people pleaser. I’ve told people that I wouldn’t babysit their child. I told friends that “No, I’m NOT okay with you doing that.” I no longer overextend myself.

I’ve focused on projects that are passionate to me. I’ve focused on past times that I enjoy doing. I’ve focused on things that make ME happy.

So, I’ve been a little selfish. I’ve set my standards and I won’t compromise on them. I know what I’m worth and what I deserve and I’ll settle for nothing less.

Because by me being selfish in these ways, I’m becoming the best me that I can be for myself and for my child who deserves nothing less.

Parents, it’s so hard to be selfish. We spend every day putting the needs and wants of our families before our own. We spend days accepting crap from our partners or our friends because we feel like we NEED them. Because it’s too difficult to make new friends and relationships when you’re exhausted from running a household.

But you deserve so much more than what you’re settling for. You deserve to be happy. You’re allowed to be selfish.

So let yourself fall apart one day… so that you can look at all of the broken pieces on the floor and you can put yourself back together and be the best version of you that you’ve ever been.

I’m so happy to be back and better than before. ♥️

#justkeepmomming

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